Love at Thirty-two Degrees
I
Today I dissected a
squid,
the late acacia
tossing its pollen
across the black of
the lab bench.
In a few months the
maples
will be bleeding.
That was the thing:
there was no
blood
only textures of
gills creased like satin,
suction cups as
planets in rows. Be careful
not to cut your
finger, he says. But I’m thinking
of fingertips on my
lover’s neck
last June. Amazing,
hearts.
This brachial heart.
After class,
I stole one from the
formaldehyde
& watched it
bloom in my bathroom sink
between cubes of ice.
II
Last night I threw my
lab coat in the fire
& drove all night
through the Arizona desert
with a thermos full
of silver tequila.
It was the last of
what we bought
on our way back from
Guadalajara—
desert wind in the
mouth, your mother’s
beat-up Honda,
agaves
twisting up from the
soil
like the limbs of
cephalopods.
Outside of Tucson,
saguaros so lovely
considering the cold,
& the fact that you
weren’t there to warm
me.
Suddenly drunk I was
shouting that I wanted to see the stars
as my ancestors used
to see them—
to see the godawful
blue as Aurvandil’s frostbitten toe.
III
Then, there is the
astronomer’s wife
ascending stairs to
her bed.
The astronomer gazes
out,
one eye at a time,
to a sky that
expands
even as it falls
apart
like a paper boat
dissolving in bilge.
Furious, fuming
stars.
When his migraine
builds &
lodges its dark
anchor behind
the eyes, he fastens
the wooden buttons
of his jacket, &
walks
outside with a
flashlight
to keep company with
the barn owl
who stares back at
him with eyes
that are no greater
or less than
a spiral galaxy.
The snow outside
is white & quiet
as a woman’s slip
against cracked
floorboards.
So he walks to the
house
inflamed by
moonlight, & slips
into the bed with his
wife
her hair & arms
all
in disarray
like fish confused by
waves.
IV
Science—
beyond pheromones,
hormones, aesthetics of bone,
every time I make
love for love’s sake alone,
I betray you.
****
Broke the
Lunatic Horse
The Milky Way sways its back
across all of wind-eaten America
like a dusty saddle tossed
over your sable, lunatic horse.
All the plains are dark.
All the stars are cowards;
they lie to us about their time of
death
and do nothing but dangle
like a huge chandelier
over nights when our mangled sobs
make the dead reach for their guns.
I must be one of the only girls
who still dreams in green gingham, sees
snow
as a steel pail’s falling of frozen nails
like you said through pipe smoke
on the cabin porch one night. Dear one,
there are no nails more cold
than those that fix you
underground. I thought I saw you
in the moon of the auditorium
after my high school dance.
Without you, it’s still hard to dance.
It’s even hard to dream.
****
The late cranes throwing
their necks to the wind stay
somewhere between
the place that rain begins
and the place that it ends
they seem to exist just there
above the horizon at least
I only see them that way
tossed up
against the gray October
light not heavy enough
for feet to be useful or
useless enough to make
gravity untie its string. I’m sick
of this stubbornness
but the earthworms
seem to think it all right
they move forward
and let the world pass
through them they eat
and eat at it, content to connect
everything through
the individual links
of their purple bodies to stay
one place would be death.
But somewhere between
the crane and the worm
between the days I pass through
and the days that pass
through me
is the mind. And memory
which outruns the body and
grief which arrests it.
Katherine Larson
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